Bridger Pennington puts on a Fund Launch Live event once a year, if not twice.
This next one’s gonna be in Miami, Florida. So pack a suitcase full of bright colors, bold patterns and your favorite flip flops, and get ready to sweat it out with Bridger and his buddies, as they reveal Wall Street’s most guarded secrets.
Or don’t. Stay home, remain in your “don’t bother knocking” ensemble, and assume FLL will only promote the interests of the host and speakers (which is what I’ll be doing).
“We are the crazy 1% who believes they can change the world,” Bridger says, as I roll my eyes and think, Okay, Steve Jobs.
“The crazy 1% who stop at nothing. And what’s crazy enough about the crazy 1% [my guy is acting like he literally just learned that word today and can’t stop repeating it] is they’re actually the ones who change the world. [Dude, you are just regurgitating Steve Jobs. Wow. Does privilege make it hard to come up with your own ideas and morals? Looks like it. I bet Bridger never heard the word no as a kid.]”
It’s funny.
Some people watch his promo video and buy their tickets immediately.
Others, like me, see it as a cult-like meetup for self-help fanatics longing for status and wealth.
Glancing at the speaker list, seems like almost everyone made their money through MLMs or selling courses on getting rich, with only one or two exceptions. The obvious being Jim Rogers, cofounder of SOROS Fund and Quantum Fund, who’s doing the keynote. Wikipedia’s given him the stamp of legitimacy. Rest of the lineup? Not so much.
Onto the sales page, which reads like a mashup of every Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi offer ever.
The stakes are high, the future’s uncertain. This next year will make or break you. This conference is your unfair advantage. An unfair advantage that, up until this point, only people like Bridger’s daddy had access to. But now even regular peasants like you and I can pay Bridger to come and learn what’s really going on in the economy, plus how to cheat on taxes and screw people over and stuff.
(I’m paraphrasing.)
As of now, tickets are priced at $497 each, but the cost will increase every week leading up to the event.
It comes as no surprise that there’s a cringey Black Card option available for a steep fee, which likely includes a photo-op with Bridger, VIP seating, and maybe even a mixer full of other people who just paid for his next exotic.
“By the end of Fund Launch Live, you will have the clarity you need to finally make that next big leap,” Bridger promises. “Whether it’s $0-10m, 10m-100m, 100m-1B, or beyond.”
I’m gonna take a wild guess and assume most attendees would fall into that first category – and end up closer to zero than the $10 milli mark.
Nevertheless, when you come to Miami, you’ll spend three fun-filled days leveling up on all verticals. Get the inside scoop on everything that matters. What’s safe? What’s working right now, banking crisis and all?
Bridger doesn’t want you in the dark.
There’s proven strategies and little-known scaling secrets and high-caliber people and other buzzwords and impressive-sounding jargon.
In Bridger’s testimonial montage, there’s one guy who has a fund, and a bunch of other guys who are hyped up about the possibility of having one someday.
I’m always amazed at the willingness of people to spend exorbitant amounts of money on live events like this, only to be pressured into spending even more while there, and then leave with just a handful of “golden nuggets.”
Meanwhile, Bridger and his pals make out like bandits.
Anyways, I’m off to watch Air with my nephew because the only thing I like better than carbs and complaining is seeing Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in a movie together.